Phew... It's not all about me

I made it through Christmas, I had a lot thrown at me with kids puking, me getting sick, and the husband working almost 24/7 but we pulled it off. I appreciate all that we have everyday, and feel blessed. However when the kids and I get sick all at once it brings new meaning and awareness to how grateful we should be to have our health!! This Christmas I was reminded of how much I have and how little others have in comparison. We adopted a family this Christmas and it felt so great knowing that we were able to help out. The family we adopted had three young girls and the Mom was single, all they asked for was food. Then to top it all off the day we went to deliver the gifts the family had been evicted:( We were able to locate them at a friends house, so hopeful they had a better Christmas.

This was a different Christmas than those past, Mike and I did not buy gifts for each other which was different. Jake got jipped again being that his birthday is the 22nd, and I was sick on the couch. He asked me Mom why didn't we celebrate my birthday? We made up for it later. Emily was in her first Church Christmas program and she was adorable. Her and I have "religiously" went to church and together learned so much. I volunteered to help out with her Sunday school class and like I said together were learning alot. On Christmas eve I told the kids the story of Joseph and Mary traveling to Bethlehem and as I used our manger as the prop. Scooting the figurines around brought new meaning to the Manger, that was always up in our Catholic house during Christmas as I grew up.

Now that the hectic holiday is over, thank God its over, I can see clear again and realize life is good and should be enjoyed. As my sister in law said it's much easier to be happy than angry. I will continue to develop the business slowly and steadily, until I figure out a rhythm for the work and this new opportunity I have in life. I will be cheerful and strive to be happy. It's not all about me the most important relationships I have with those around me on this journey.

Ughhh

Last week I checked myself into the ER. Sounds crazy, but for three days I felt like my heart was pounding out of control and at any moment I was going to die. I couldn't breathe it was the scariest thing I have experienced. So this past week has been filled test after test, to find out that most things are fine with me, I am not dieing (thank God:) I just have an overactive valve in my heart that is set off during times of stress. This had been going on for a few months but my breaking point was when I checked into the ER. I am usually a calm and easy going person however I think I have taken on to much in the past two months. Life should be easier now that I am part time and able to spend more time with the kids. It has been much harder than I had ever expected my business is thriving, however I am limited on time to do the work needed for the business. Right now on my drive home from work, I make my business calls, and try to setup appointments for after school between picking up Jake and Emily. When I am home there are so many distractions I have been making a profit but my mind is about to drive me crazy, it never stops thinking about what needs to be done next.

So with this life scare, I am trying to focus on the moment and not worry so much. I have been taking deep breaths, working out and doing yoga, which the kids really like. I am finding my way learning more everyday and realizing the only thing that really matters in life are the people around you and relationships.

I am Thankful For

During this season of giving thanks, I want to tell you my family “thank you”

I am thankful for Sunday Dinners, we get together more than any family I know and I am so grateful for all of you. My family is special in many ways.

I am thankful for mom My sweet big hearted Mom, what a strong person she is.
My genius inventor Dad who made us all learn the hard way!
I am thankful that my parents raised such great kids.
I am thankful for growing up with all of my siblings in the house on 8252 Rickie.
I am thankful for my Goof ball brother and all that he’s taught me
I am so thankful for my big sister who gives me so much in life just in observing her extraordinary courage and strength.
I am thankful that my little sister understands me and accepts me unlike anyone else and can always make me laugh.

I am thankful for seeing my Emilys face when she gets out of school
I am thankful for Walking the kids to school
I am thankful I am healthy and can do anything I want
I am thankful for almost dying while 7 months pregnant that put a whole new perspective on life.
I am thankful for my kids who remind me of God everyday
I am thankful for my big teddy bear hubby who always says what he needs to say
I am thankful I am here on earth and can share this time with you.

Keep Balance in Life

I don’t want to give this up, walking Emily to school, building train tracks with Jake. It sure is a juggling act but this is where I want to be right now in life. I am working 24 hrs a week and about 10 hrs a week for my own business. I wrote the business plan today, and I am working on reserving my domain name for my website.
Where there’s a will there’s a way. I was told this when I mentioned to a girl at work what I wanted to do. Today was another part of my journey in life. It started off walking the Emily to school and ended up at an awards gala in Detroit. The DHDC event with the company I’ve worked for now 14 years (which I love). Then event was very moving, a man spoke at the event Ron (can’t think of his last name) who had no legs since birth he was amazing! He spoke of all he’s has overcome and how important it is to know that you can achieve any dream. He had everyone stand at the end of his speech to raise awareness of how lucky we all are to not be disabled. Then after the event we all went and had a drink at the bar and I was able to talk with one of the “whistle blowers” from the Kwame scandal with the Detroit Police officers.
All of this in one day its so great to spend time with the kids and then meet such interesting people. I continually work and promote my own business in all I do so I don’t ever have to give up this freedom. I love such diversity in my life the balance with my family and profession is awesome, The more I meet people in such high stature roles the more I realize they’re just people. I used to be intimidated by people of authority, but now realize we are all the same. We have families, and dreams and just want to be loved.

Keeping it Simple

I wonder if Life in America will ever slow down. Today as I was working out there was a conversation I couldn't help but listen in on. It was a guy talking about his wife going part time. He went on to explain that their cutting out daycare cost and will be able to make ends meet. He then said "most importantly she'll be able to spend more time with the kids". This may sound silly but it gave me hope for a simpler America. We all seem to be so busy, and exceed our needs. I often see these big beautiful houses with no one in them? I wish everyone would just slow down. We have so much more than most people in the world but everyone wants more. I myself want more, more shoes, a bigger house, a nicer car. But one thing I keep reminding myself of is that monetary things don't make happiness. It's the simple things in life. Like Emily winning her first trophy. Or Jake thinking he can really fly because he was dressed as buz light year.
Yeah someday I'll be well off, but I am not willing to give up my happiness for it. These days I find myself smiling more and just in a better mood. These days in our house you'll find just the right mix of caos and love.

A Little Past Little Rock

To soon to know what's up ahead to late to change my mind. I've gotta keep my mind out of this and both hands on the wheel. I'm learning more and more each day just how it feels to be a business owner. Today Emily and I went on our first client meeting together. A moment I will never forget I wanted to talk with a local business owner about what services I could offer them and Emily came with me. I told her that she had to be quiet during my meeting and could ask questions when I was done. She did good and asked lots of questions. Like why did she wear that thing on her head? I had to explain the Muslim culture. In general I think she can benefit from seeing what it takes to start a business.
The meeting went well I will meet with Beth again on Friday to give her the costs for setting up Her Google AdWords account. This is an extremely interesting lady she has 9 kids and owns her own business. I hope that someday I can be like her, well not exactly but I sure do admire a women that can juggle all of that.
This week has been an interesting week full of good news. On Monday I found out that my boss/brother has been appointed to VP of the company. I am so happy for him and his family, he deserves it. Also today I got a call from a recruiter saying that word on the street is that Ideal has let go of some good people. Hmm this really makes me think and the opportunity looks pretty nice. I don't see myself taking another full time job, however I am keeping my options open. For now I am focusing on My business and loving it, as my friend Cindy said to me today I am creating my own destiny. It's exciting and a little nerve racking at the same time, but as the song says to soon to know whats up ahead to late to change my mind. I gave it all up and have really enjoyed these last few weeks with the family and my flexible schedule.

Sticking to My Beliefs and the Plan

Last week I began the first week of training the new girl. So on Monday I wasn't going to waste any time. After all I have been given 30 days to show her everything. So I handed over my desk, my computer, and my phone extension. People in the office were a little taken back. Some of my co workers didn't know the whole story, so many questions were asked. People are so curious, which I have no problem with. One guy said so you just don't want to work anymore or what? So I of course had to tell him what I am doing, going part time so I can spend more time with the kids and open my own business. He then said well if there's anything I can do let me know, so I pitched my company. I have to make the most of every moment, cause you never know.
One girl asked so are you O.K.with this? I said yes this is exactly what I asked for. Another friend of mine said you're so lucky, I said it has nothing to do with luck its a choice. I think this came out a little offensive to him, but it's the truth. One lady made me mad when she said so do you feel like a fish out of water? I thought this was a little presumptuous considering she had no idea what I have been through to get to this point. Another said so how does it feel not to have to be responsible for marketing anymore? I said I am not quite there yet.
So with all of the questions I am sticking to my beliefs, and taking pride in passing off my career. There are so many great things in life, and I will strive to keep my head up, nose to the grinstone and focus on the good in this whole transition. There's a lot of "Good" in the world.
My career is being passed off to someone with a "good" head on her shoulders, I think we made a "good" decision choosing her. I told the boss she's doing "good" in her first week, by considering she can keep up with me.
Most importantly its better than Good to be a Mom, its awesome! Am I cheesy or what:)

Soon I will be Free

This morning at 7:30 I went for a walk, an old 70"s song was stuck in my head "Sailing". Specifically the verse soon I will be free. The song says, “my dream and the wind will carry me soon I will be free”. Fits the moment I am in, I am close to completing the first half of my journey and almost don't want to say this out loud.

Yesterday I cleaned out my desk. I asked the boss where the new girl was going to sit and he said I don't know? So I suggested I give her my desk because she is taking over my position at the company as Marketing Manager, makes sense?
So I gave up my desk which I surely do not have any emotional ties to. Some people do, its like their home, they do spend most of their awake time sitting behind it. I added up how many hours I sat behind that desk and it was an astonishing 54,000 hrs! Whoa. I now have a new desk and Monday I begin training; I have negotiated 30 days to train her then I will be a part time employee. Ready set Go!

Love the Working People

Today started off rough Mike and I had a debate on bills. Now the fun begins with balancing the checkbook and the life of a business owner. Of course on my drive in this morning I couldn’t help but notice all of the average citizens working. For a second the thought crosses my mind wouldn’t it be easier just to be average.
It was about 7:00 am when I left the house and as I drove to work I noticed all these random people working; the dry cleaning lady, the garbage men, the gas station attendant, and that guy who is always in his real estate office super early working away? I often wonder if he ever leaves. Today was different than any other day I am starting to look at the world and its people differently. I recently read a book called Rich Man and a Poor Man, which is why I am looking at things so differently. The book talked a lot about the middle class and the rich. The author stated that those who go to work everyday are shooting themselves in the foot every time they get up and go to work. There’s a lot to the book but this statement stuck with me and stood out especially today. Those of us who choose to work for someone else are basically making the bosses/share holders richer. I love watching people in their profession and admire everyone’s strengths, but this morning was different. I made my first business cards today, and will have the first meeting tomorrow with my long time client BC Global. Emily said something to me today that cracked me up, she said Mom you must of misunderstood yourself. Yes you must have misunderstood yourself, you said I could ride my scooter back and forth twice down the street. Both the kids say such innocent things that crack me up and keep reminding me why I am doing this. More time with them is what I’ve wanted for a long long time.

Say What you Need To Say

I need to just sit back and watch the fireworks, some great advice I've been given when making this transition. I begin training my replacement next week and I asked the boss what he'd like me to focus on in training. The answer was a little less than I expected. The answer given was pretty much to "just wing it". See what she's good at and go from there. I cringed to hear this but this is where I need to just watch the fireworks. I have to leave all of my expectations behind and just do what my employeer asks. I am struggling with this because over the past 13 years I have created alot of assest for the company. If not maintained they could go away quickly. I would like to focus on these money making responsibilites because once part time I will not be able to maintain them with my part time schedule. I shared my thoughts and said what I needed to say. So I will give it my best and move forward on my journey.

Love Life

Today I picked up the kids from school and was home by 4:00 what a difference this makes! A pot roast is in the oven and I have done one hour of work all in my home before 5:00. Gosh this is great, I am loving life. Now the hard part in my mission/journey begins. Next week I will be preparing to pass off my job and train our new employee! I have so many mixed emotions about it all, but it's exciting. I am doing exactly what I planned to do. I have to say it took me an entire year to make this decision to go part time and open my own business. My business plan is in the works, I have been making my business calls on the way home from work to get things rolling. So it’s official on November 5th I am part time. I have been asking a lot more questions these days. Mike and I are having fun brainstorming about all the possibilities of the business. It's so important to keep it fun. I am learning more and more everyday. I recommend to anyone wanting to do this to listen to the book on tape, "Rich Dad Poor Dad". This book has helped me see many other opportunities for income or assets to supplement my income. In today’s world there are so many options for generating income online, the traditional 9-5 job is a thing of the past.

Simply Found

I am sitting here today in my home office at 4:00 getting things together and organized to send out my first e-mail. I want to let my friends and family know what my business plans are. The business name is going to be "B There Marketing" and the slogan will be Simply Found.... It fits the services I will be providing. Basically getting a company in the right place at the right time. In the sea of information online I will help companies be simply found.

Experience Life to enjoy the simple things

As I look around I wonder if those on the playground realize how lucky they are to be able to pickup their kids from school. I have experienced Life’s Pain to enjoy a simple thing in life such as picking up my kid from school. For years now I have rushed home to pickup the kids up from daycare and after school programs, then once home its diner time, then time to cleanup dishes then baths. Our family schedule did not leave much time to truely enjoy the kids.

I tried to involve the kids in the dinner time routine. however, it never really felt like I was giving them the attention after a long day. Yesterday was the first day that I was able to pickup Emily from school and Jake and I were home by 4:00! Wah Who. It was interesting to see all of the Moms picking up their kids, and then after the kids came out of school the Moms just gabbed with each other while the kids played. It's been a long hard road to this point but it sure does make me appreciate that moment of picking them up from school. I was ahead of most of my friends in having kids so it wasn’t until recently that a few of my “Mom” friends said that they realized what I had been going through with leaving their babies at home. So I will continue on with my quest to make ends meet and develop my own business.

Follow your heart

This is a short and sweet entry today. It's the last full day of work here :) As I follow my heart in taking this chance today I am reminded of the true importance of this. Today I found out that one of my friends has cancer and another might have a brain tumor. Life is short; never know when your time is up.

No More Watching from the Sidelines

Last night I went to my first parent teacher conference, and learned a tremendous amount about the 1st grade curriculum. It was so fun to sit at my daughters desk and see all the work she has done in her first few weeks. This helped me see where I need to work with her. I am so excited to be able to have more time to devote to her and developing these critical skills of reading and writing. I am affraid she might have inherited her Dad dislexia. Her numbers and letters are ofter written backwards, her eraser was almost all used up:) Her unorganized desk and used up eraser was so cute to me. She is somewhat of a perfectionist. Learning all about what my daughter will be doing was enlightening. I look forward to being more involved this year. In the past I have wished I could be more involved, no longer will I be watching from the sidelines as my kids go to school.

Get to The Otherside

This is my last full week here, next week my schedule goes to 30 hrs a week. Everyday as I drive to work I have my favorite artist of the day just blaring on the radio. I love music! As if the drive down Michigan Ave. isn't entertaining enough. Some of my best Marketing ideas come to me while driving. Music has helped me make tough decisions. I guess knowing I am not the only one pondering every detail while feeling overly emotional makes me feel better. It took me an entire year to finally make this huge career change. I still am looking forward to it all.
As Carrie Underwood says "I guess it's gonna have to hurt, I guess I'm gonna have to cry, And let go of some things I've loved, To get to the other side, I guess it's gonna break me down, Like falling when you try to fly, It's sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life, Starts with goodbye. I know there's a blue horizon, Somewhere up ahead, just waiting for me, Getting there means leaving things behind, Sometimes life's so bitter sweet.
This song just summarizes everything.

Appreciation

I was told yesterday that "it's nice having you around". This was a big Wow for me. I've been in an environment where little is said about appreciating the work one does. As with my kids I've found that a little praise goes a long way. I have been very lucky in my career to have others mentor and teach me what makes one successful in life. I have worked with so many talented individuals and appreciated them for their unique talents. Sylvia has been a great mentor to me and was patient enough to listen to all of my questions when i was a green intern. Linzie was the most confident young women I've ran into, no one could squash her. Jodee was very positive, energetic, and organized. She helped me understand the importance of writing things down. Pete who has worked in a family business environment helped me understand when to say nothing/bite my tongue. Rachael who keeps the company on track, taught me to just stick with the facts, I admire a hard worker like her. Colleen is well spoken and definitely speaks her mind. She has taught me a lot about self respect and I so appreciate that. Chris my boss/brother who taught me an unbelievable amount about selling. He pushed me to the limit in many ways and I learned so much words cannot summarize it. One thing that sticks in my head that he always stressed was, learn how to tell a story, capture people, tell them why things should be important to them. I can appreciate his relentless nature. I can't forget Ellen, her and I made a great team and made remarkable strides in marketing, she taught me loyalty, respect. Dennis who can become friends with anyone in minutes, I appreciate his sense of humor. Loren who was like a big brother constantly reminding me that it’s important to use positive words, never say I will try say I will do. Frank who has so much courage and animation, he has shown me what passion for your business can do. I appreciate his courage and Frankness. This is just a few of the people I have evolved me and my life; we all want to do a good job and want to be appreciated. I find good in almost every person I meet. Everyone has their niche or talent, my big debate these past few days has been what area do I focus on to develop the business.

Building My Wings

Today I will go home and write a job description for what it is I have been doing here for 14 years. I have been writing down all of the procedures and things I need to go over when training my replacement. I heard a great quote today, "Sometimes you just have to take the leap, and build your wings on the way down. " This is exactly what I am doing.

Bitter Sweet

We exceeded our internet sales goal for the month of August! I have been trying to prove this for atleast seven years, not to mention the marketing departments overall value. So today has been bitter sweet. The internet leads previously were not in one contact management system. This effected the ability to track leads and severely impacted our ability to track sales. No one knew the status of the leads and fingers got pointed. I truely believe that we mistakenly abandon some of our best marketing programs.

This information came the week after I announced I would like to step back from my Management position. Talk about kairos. I am finally able to show the ROI due to having an accurate system. We have reached our goal! I am confident in saying that we've met this for years, however the tracking system was not in place until this month. So this is why it was bitter sweet, I can now show my worth. Something I've struggled with for years. I will continue with my quest this week to pass the torch to someone; I will continue to have the company’s best interest at hand. Some say I'm crazy and to let it go, but it’s kind of like my baby I want to make sure it is taken care of the way I have for 14 years now.

It was my daughters first day of school today, I wasn't able to walk her to school :( I will do whatever possible to be present during these special moments like the first days of school in the future. Bitter Sweet it is.

Reactions

I have been a very traditional girl for years now with the typical 9-5 job living the average American life. I've been following the path of what people say is normal for years. So when I told various people what I planned on doing I got some pretty great reactions. My Dad was the best of all, after I told him I was going to take a step back from my career he said, "we'll you better be ready to find yourself a cabin in the woods and hunt your own food, and chop wood. Knowing my Dad came from a rough childhood where he was one child of 12 living on bread and tomatoes I can understand. I took it for what its worth. My Mom just shook her head and said "MhhMhh" . I think she understands more than anyone what I am trying to do. She's been the one that I've called on the way to work as I am sobbing because I didn't want to leave my kids everyday. She is my best friend she here's it all and is my sound board. Gosh I love her, she's a great person:) Then there was the reactions from my friends, most of them were so excited for me and wished me luck. Except for Tammi who asked 100 questions, "what if they fire you?" Playing the devils advocate I could appreciate, she always makes me think about the side that I try to avoid. However this one was already thought of, what if they fired me? She of course wished me the best and was happy for me.

The moment that I told my boss (brother) and the VP of the company not much was said. We sat in the conference room the lights were dimmed and nothing was said for about 5 minutes. I was explaining how I thought it all could work, and they just looked at the proposal I handed them. Then my brother asked "what do you want to get paid hourly?" Then the VP said "well I guess we can't make you work full time." I wanted to say so much but I knew I had to keep things simple, to keep my composure and not end up blubbering. After all I had worked with these two for 14 years, and the waters ran deep.

Finding My Place

I took a chance last week, I proposed a new situation for my role with the Marketing Department. I proposed to step back from Managing the department, and take a part time role for an indefinite amount of time. My ultimate goal was to be part time by January 2009, start my own website marketing business and have more time with my kids while there young. Everything was there timing was right, Kairos was on my side. So I did it and believe it will work out and be a Win Win for all:)

How I came to this decision, I personally felt unfulfilled like I hadn't found my place in this world. So my goal in 2008 was to find my place in this world. To determine why I had been put on this earth. Don't get me wrong I am greatful for everything I have. I am blessed in many ways, however I believed that there was something more. I wanted more time with my kids, and they have grown so fast! Emily is now 6 and Jake is 3 1/2.

Yesterday I celebrated 9 years of marriage, and now the new chapter in our families life begins! I am nervous, but I am so excited.